keetaw (keetaw) wrote,

on the subject of melting

You don't melt the way you should when you look at me, or when I tell you I love you... or when I tell you anything at all. I always melt, no matter what. I look at you and consider myself to be lucky. You are handsome and healthy and so very beautiful. When you tell me you love me, I melt as well. I love listening to you when you say that you will try to do things better, when you will try to be better to me. Even if I do wonder whether or not you really mean it, I still melt. You make my head spin. You are the only thing I think about. You say you think about me, but when I ask you what you are thinking about, you say nothing. Am I nothing? Or are you just comfortable enough where you do not have to think of me anymore, because you know I am melted- and laced around your pinky finger? Do you think you no longer have to worry about me, love me, care for me, tend to me, make me feel special, loved, or wonderful because my mind is melted into mush about you? You're terribly wrong. Because, you see, there is still some functioning left in my melted mush of brain. I do worry. I worry that because you're "comfortable" that your mind, wants, eyes, feelings, wander. I worry that you're "comfortable", so much in fact, that you do not care to be around me anymore- that I no longer hold any mystery for you, that I am no longer a challenge, and that you no longer care for me because I bore you [to death].
I write this here, because you will not listen to it without scoffing any other way. You told me that you were going to stop reading my journals because, "The way you express your apparant displeasure" and my feelings at the time weren't quite the same. And you want to know why? Why? Why? Because you will not listen to me when I bring things to your attention. Your perfect face crumbles and you turn away whenever I tell you something has changed. You never have really accepted that it has. Maybe someday you will realize it. Hopefully sometime soon, before I unmelt.
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